At greater or lesser degree, everyone feels hit by the judgment that other people do about our respect and also for offenses, even the most unfounded. I believe that this is a common issue to all people. Let's investigate how this feeling manifests itself and what is behind this concern with the thoughts of others. The fear of judgment will influence our lives in every respect: relationships (who you choose as a companion), profession (what is to follow), way of dressing, speaking and acting, friendships.

At this very moment, I am writing this text and several thoughts arise: "Will people like it? Will they find a common text with nothing to add? There are people who will find a nonsense ... "This fear is now influencing my way of writing. In a recent past the fear I had was so intense that I had crashed me, I would not allow myself to write or expose my ideas. After applying enough * EFT (personal self-development technique, learn through the free manual at the end of the text) things have changed. Good thing. I will tell you a case that I have attended a time to illustrate the connection between self-esteem and the impact of judgment.

He was a very intelligent and successful customer professionally. There would be a vote on his work to decide on a reform on the spot. There were two design options: plant "A" and "B". Therefore a meeting was summoned. He was at the meeting defending the plant "A". Another colleague who defended the plant "B", in a harsh way, said that he (my client) was selfish, who was only thinking about him even in defending the project "A". He said that the project "B" benefited more people etc. And may those who would like the arguments of my client and vote for the "A" plant would also be selfish. This accusation married a lot of restlessness, several thoughts began to emerge: "It is not possible, Fulano thinks I am selfish, I just defended an opinion and he accused me that way." The worst is that he lost the argument and who won the vote was the project "B". This caused him even more restlessly: "Do others also think I'm selfish? So I like to help people, which I do volunteer jobs etc. I'm going to get uncomfortable when you find these people in the corridors and lift, at the end of the year meeting, what are they thinking about me? "

It is important to emphasize that my client disguised the discomfort very well and no one realized how it had affected him. But those thoughts caused him anger, willingness to convince others, fear, shame, anguish and even insomnia. And so with most people. We can not even imagine what's going on in their minds ... they're there in front of you, often well dressed, imposing and looking for great self-confidence, when they are actually carrying uneasiness that no one imagines. The only thing we can be sure is that we will never be sure of the opinion of others about our respect. Instead of relaxing and letting each one think whatever you want, we fell into the trap of being worried wanting to guess the thought of others.

But where does this worry come from?


First, we want to have a "good person" picture. It bothers the fact that someone thinks that we are dishonest, futile, selfish, bad character ... And there comes a restlessness, because we want to undo the image. As it is not possible to change or guess what goes on in the other's head, we get angry and distressed. Some people enter the game of wanting to prove at all costs, to confront the other, to speak badly from behind to defend themselves, which usually brings more confusion and has negative effects.

Second, we have negative points in our self-esteem. If we are absolutely sure of who we are, why bother with the opinion of others? It is because often, in fact, we do not feel safety about our respect. If someone says that I am incompetent, the more insecure I am in relation to my competence, the more charge will reach me. If I feel fully confident, it is likely to come to laugh at the offense.

Third, when the accusation or offense is really true, we have difficulty taking on our mistakes and defects. And this causes anger, anguish, willingness to retaliate, shame, willingness to prove self-esteem

Understanding what happens rationally in these emotional processes is important, but it is not everything. Often, we intellectually understand that our emotional reaction is useless. But we still do not stop feeling the discomfort. That's why * EFT is such an important tool. We managed to clean the negative emotion of our energy system, bringing relief and inner peace at the time of application. Every negative emotion presents itself as energy blocking in meridians (channels where it flows body energy) from acupuncture. The technique allows to unlock the energy and the consequence of this is the elimination of the negative feeling.

And it was through * EFT that I treated the customer quoted in the article. I used several phrases during the process to eliminate the feeling.

 I'll put some examples:

• Even if so-and-so fellow me selfish, I accept deeply and completely.
• Even if I feel distressed with his opinion about me, I accept ...
• Even if I can not prove otherwise ...
• Even if I feel anger at his opinion ...
• And even if I be selfish from time to time ...
• Even if I do not know the opinion of the rest of colleagues ...
• Even if they find me selfish ...
• Even if I can not have the image I would like for everyone ...

At the end of the session, what he reported was a sense of peace, not to feel any more nuisance in thinking about the accusation that was made to him. He still felt a greater confidence in himself, a sense of certainty and a quiet consciousness he had defended the best idea. You can use the * EFT to get more and more from the inner prison that is concern about the opinion of others.